Personal Boundaries-Important To Set
I had no idea what personal boundaries were for a large part of my life. Understanding what they are and then setting them and staying strong to keep them in place has been a learned skill; and one that requires constant vigilance.
I allowed others to put me in situations over the years that instinctively made me feel uncomfortable. This was particularly true with those I cared about. I wanted to please them at the expensive of myself.
Today I set boundaries. Others may try to ignore them or cross them, but for the most part I maintain them.
When my boundaries are encroached on, I begin to feel uncomfortable inside. I now pay attention to these feelings. This has resulted in those around me, over time, changing the way they interact with me.
Is this an easy process? The answer in my own case was no.
Others did resist the change in me but I have learned I am not here to make others happy. I have a right to set the boundaries that are appropriate for me. Other people have learned to live, and live quite comfortably, with the new me.
Ah, to be comfortable in your own skin! To enjoy increasing periods of hope and serenity in daily living. To appreciate the value of self and to be able to give to others from a position of strength. A large part of this personal growth was a direct result of learning how to set personal boundaries that were correct for me and maintaining them on a consistent basis over an extended period of time.
There are many out there who struggle on a daily basis with boundary setting. They feel the discomfort yet don’t know how to assertively (not aggressively) make change. I’d love to hear your comments about personal boundaries. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
PERSONAL BOUNDARIES-IMPORTANT TO SET
PERSONAL BOUNDARIES-IMPORTANT TO SET
Personal Boundaries-Important To Set
I had no idea what personal boundaries were for a large part of my life. Understanding what they are and then setting them and staying strong to keep them in place has been a learned skill; and one that requires constant vigilance.
I allowed others to put me in situations over the years that instinctively made me feel uncomfortable. This was particularly true with those I cared about. I wanted to please them at the expensive of myself.
Today I set boundaries. Others may try to ignore them or cross them, but for the most part I maintain them.
When my boundaries are encroached on, I begin to feel uncomfortable inside. I now pay attention to these feelings. This has resulted in those around me, over time, changing the way they interact with me.
Is this an easy process? The answer in my own case was no.
Others did resist the change in me but I have learned I am not here to make others happy. I have a right to set the boundaries that are appropriate for me. Other people have learned to live, and live quite comfortably, with the new me.
Ah, to be comfortable in your own skin! To enjoy increasing periods of hope and serenity in daily living. To appreciate the value of self and to be able to give to others from a position of strength. A large part of this personal growth was a direct result of learning how to set personal boundaries that were correct for me and maintaining them on a consistent basis over an extended period of time.
There are many out there who struggle on a daily basis with boundary setting. They feel the discomfort yet don’t know how to assertively (not aggressively) make change. I’d love to hear your comments about personal boundaries. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Personal Boundaries-Important To Set
I had no idea what personal boundaries were for a large part of my life. Understanding what they are and then setting them and staying strong to keep them in place has been a learned skill; and one that requires constant vigilance.
I allowed others to put me in situations over the years that instinctively made me feel uncomfortable. This was particularly true with those I cared about. I wanted to please them at the expensive of myself.
Today I set boundaries. Others may try to ignore them or cross them, but for the most part I maintain them.
When my boundaries are encroached on, I begin to feel uncomfortable inside. I now pay attention to these feelings. This has resulted in those around me, over time, changing the way they interact with me.
Is this an easy process? The answer in my own case was no.
Others did resist the change in me but I have learned I am not here to make others happy. I have a right to set the boundaries that are appropriate for me. Other people have learned to live, and live quite comfortably, with the new me.
Ah, to be comfortable in your own skin! To enjoy increasing periods of hope and serenity in daily living. To appreciate the value of self and to be able to give to others from a position of strength. A large part of this personal growth was a direct result of learning how to set personal boundaries that were correct for me and maintaining them on a consistent basis over an extended period of time.
There are many out there who struggle on a daily basis with boundary setting. They feel the discomfort yet don’t know how to assertively (not aggressively) make change. I’d love to hear your comments about personal boundaries. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
पे आट्ट्ण्टीण तो यौर EMOTIONS
Pay attention to your emotions
"Emotions are the next frontier to be understood and conquered. To manage our emotions is not to drug them or suppress them, but to understand them so that we can intelligently direct our emotional energies and intentions.... It's time for human beings to grow up emotionally, to mature into emotionally managed and responsible citizens. No magic pill will do it." -- Doc Childre
Many of us believe that we need to keep a tight lid on our emotions. We fear that if we ever allow these emotions to be expressed, they will do serious damage.
But if we summon up the courage to truly feel our emotions, we discover that they don't last. The monster in the closet turns out to be a pussycat. In fact, if we are willing to experience our emotions completely, without resistance of any kind, they burn themselves out in only a few minutes.
The only thing that keeps emotions alive within you over long periods is your unwillingness to acknowledge them.
"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it." -- Joseph Collins
This piece comes from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his "Idea Engineer" and was made real through a client meeting I had this past weekend and my own "remembers when’s" that were triggered.
When I hit a wall at 46, I certainly had all kinds of emotions; emotions I could not clearly identify or deal with. I found ways to escape them and most were personally destructive.
Learning how to identify and deal with emotions was a learned skill; learned through working with trained professionals. It was as if a whole new world opened up to me and I can smile today as I think back to those early days when I sat my family around the table and said things like "what colour do you feel?" to them!
Today, I can identify emotions and feelings, welcome and accept them, and deal with them in a healthy way. Life is far more balanced and fun today, and in dealing with my emotions in a healthy fashion, it is far easier to avoid mood altering substances and behaviour!
"Emotions are the next frontier to be understood and conquered. To manage our emotions is not to drug them or suppress them, but to understand them so that we can intelligently direct our emotional energies and intentions.... It's time for human beings to grow up emotionally, to mature into emotionally managed and responsible citizens. No magic pill will do it." -- Doc Childre
Many of us believe that we need to keep a tight lid on our emotions. We fear that if we ever allow these emotions to be expressed, they will do serious damage.
But if we summon up the courage to truly feel our emotions, we discover that they don't last. The monster in the closet turns out to be a pussycat. In fact, if we are willing to experience our emotions completely, without resistance of any kind, they burn themselves out in only a few minutes.
The only thing that keeps emotions alive within you over long periods is your unwillingness to acknowledge them.
"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it." -- Joseph Collins
This piece comes from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his "Idea Engineer" and was made real through a client meeting I had this past weekend and my own "remembers when’s" that were triggered.
When I hit a wall at 46, I certainly had all kinds of emotions; emotions I could not clearly identify or deal with. I found ways to escape them and most were personally destructive.
Learning how to identify and deal with emotions was a learned skill; learned through working with trained professionals. It was as if a whole new world opened up to me and I can smile today as I think back to those early days when I sat my family around the table and said things like "what colour do you feel?" to them!
Today, I can identify emotions and feelings, welcome and accept them, and deal with them in a healthy way. Life is far more balanced and fun today, and in dealing with my emotions in a healthy fashion, it is far easier to avoid mood altering substances and behaviour!
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR EMOTIONS
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR EMOTIONS
Pay attention to your emotions
"Emotions are the next frontier to be understood and conquered. To manage our emotions is not to drug them or suppress them, but to understand them so that we can intelligently direct our emotional energies and intentions.... It's time for human beings to grow up emotionally, to mature into emotionally managed and responsible citizens. No magic pill will do it." -- Doc Childre
Many of us believe that we need to keep a tight lid on our emotions. We fear that if we ever allow these emotions to be expressed, they will do serious damage.
But if we summon up the courage to truly feel our emotions, we discover that they don't last. The monster in the closet turns out to be a pussycat. In fact, if we are willing to experience our emotions completely, without resistance of any kind, they burn themselves out in only a few minutes.
The only thing that keeps emotions alive within you over long periods is your unwillingness to acknowledge them.
"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it." -- Joseph Collins
This piece comes from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his "Idea Engineer" and was made real through a client meeting I had this past weekend and my own "remembers when’s" that were triggered.
When I hit a wall at 46, I certainly had all kinds of emotions; emotions I could not clearly identify or deal with. I found ways to escape them and most were personally destructive.
Learning how to identify and deal with emotions was a learned skill; learned through working with trained professionals. It was as if a whole new world opened up to me and I can smile today as I think back to those early days when I sat my family around the table and said things like "what colour do you feel?" to them!
Today, I can identify emotions and feelings, welcome and accept them, and deal with them in a healthy way. Life is far more balanced and fun today, and in dealing with my emotions in a healthy fashion, it is far easier to avoid mood altering substances and behaviour!
Pay attention to your emotions
"Emotions are the next frontier to be understood and conquered. To manage our emotions is not to drug them or suppress them, but to understand them so that we can intelligently direct our emotional energies and intentions.... It's time for human beings to grow up emotionally, to mature into emotionally managed and responsible citizens. No magic pill will do it." -- Doc Childre
Many of us believe that we need to keep a tight lid on our emotions. We fear that if we ever allow these emotions to be expressed, they will do serious damage.
But if we summon up the courage to truly feel our emotions, we discover that they don't last. The monster in the closet turns out to be a pussycat. In fact, if we are willing to experience our emotions completely, without resistance of any kind, they burn themselves out in only a few minutes.
The only thing that keeps emotions alive within you over long periods is your unwillingness to acknowledge them.
"By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged, they poison it." -- Joseph Collins
This piece comes from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his "Idea Engineer" and was made real through a client meeting I had this past weekend and my own "remembers when’s" that were triggered.
When I hit a wall at 46, I certainly had all kinds of emotions; emotions I could not clearly identify or deal with. I found ways to escape them and most were personally destructive.
Learning how to identify and deal with emotions was a learned skill; learned through working with trained professionals. It was as if a whole new world opened up to me and I can smile today as I think back to those early days when I sat my family around the table and said things like "what colour do you feel?" to them!
Today, I can identify emotions and feelings, welcome and accept them, and deal with them in a healthy way. Life is far more balanced and fun today, and in dealing with my emotions in a healthy fashion, it is far easier to avoid mood altering substances and behaviour!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
कार्ट बेफोरे होर्से? वहत इस इम्पोर्तंत?
CART BEFORE HORSE?
Last week, in his “Idea Engineer”, my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons wrote about the importance-wrongly- that people put on money. This week’s article builds on that thought.
The old adage- what comes first, the cart or the horse? - comes to mind.
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want." -- Margaret Young
The formula for success is Be, Do, Have. If we seek abundance, we must be abundant in spirit. We can begin to cultivate spiritual wealth by opening our hearts in gratitude.
Start a gratitude journal today. Each evening, write down at least 5 things for which you are grateful. This simple tool will help you open your eyes to the abundance of your world right now.
"Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." -- Estonian proverb
Want more in your life? Take this advice. As one who has being doing this for years, I can promise you it works if you work it.
Struggling to learn who you really are and with what YOU really want? Sometimes talking with a third party trained listener can help. We listen!
Last week, in his “Idea Engineer”, my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons wrote about the importance-wrongly- that people put on money. This week’s article builds on that thought.
The old adage- what comes first, the cart or the horse? - comes to mind.
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want." -- Margaret Young
The formula for success is Be, Do, Have. If we seek abundance, we must be abundant in spirit. We can begin to cultivate spiritual wealth by opening our hearts in gratitude.
Start a gratitude journal today. Each evening, write down at least 5 things for which you are grateful. This simple tool will help you open your eyes to the abundance of your world right now.
"Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." -- Estonian proverb
Want more in your life? Take this advice. As one who has being doing this for years, I can promise you it works if you work it.
Struggling to learn who you really are and with what YOU really want? Sometimes talking with a third party trained listener can help. We listen!
CART BEFORE HORSE? What is Important?
CART BEFORE HORSE? What is Important?
http://www.hopeserenity.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=241:cart-before-horse-what-is-important&catid=1:latest-news
http://www.hopeserenity.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=241:cart-before-horse-what-is-important&catid=1:latest-news
CART BEFORE HORSE?
Last week, in his “Idea Engineer”, my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons wrote about the importance-wrongly- that people put on money. This week’s article builds on that thought.
The old adage- what comes first, the cart or the horse? - comes to mind.
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want." -- Margaret Young
The formula for success is Be, Do, Have. If we seek abundance, we must be abundant in spirit. We can begin to cultivate spiritual wealth by opening our hearts in gratitude.
Start a gratitude journal today. Each evening, write down at least 5 things for which you are grateful. This simple tool will help you open your eyes to the abundance of your world right now.
"Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." -- Estonian proverb
Want more in your life? Take this advice. As one who has being doing this for years, I can promise you it works if you work it.
Struggling to learn who you really are and with what YOU really want? Sometimes talking with a third party trained listener can help. We listen!
http://www.hopeserenity.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=241:cart-before-horse-what-is-important&catid=1:latest-news
http://www.hopeserenity.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=241:cart-before-horse-what-is-important&catid=1:latest-news
CART BEFORE HORSE?
Last week, in his “Idea Engineer”, my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons wrote about the importance-wrongly- that people put on money. This week’s article builds on that thought.
The old adage- what comes first, the cart or the horse? - comes to mind.
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you love to do, in order to have what you want." -- Margaret Young
The formula for success is Be, Do, Have. If we seek abundance, we must be abundant in spirit. We can begin to cultivate spiritual wealth by opening our hearts in gratitude.
Start a gratitude journal today. Each evening, write down at least 5 things for which you are grateful. This simple tool will help you open your eyes to the abundance of your world right now.
"Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." -- Estonian proverb
Want more in your life? Take this advice. As one who has being doing this for years, I can promise you it works if you work it.
Struggling to learn who you really are and with what YOU really want? Sometimes talking with a third party trained listener can help. We listen!
Friday, July 9, 2010
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE
I am reminded by fellow coach Phil Evans of the following truth. The most common 'theme' that I introduce to new clients when working in the Life Coaching realm, is the critical importance of being true to oneself! It's just so darned easy to get into doing everything for everybody else, but sadly neglecting that important person in the mirror.
Yep, too darned easy to put everybody else first; and eventually something will kick our butts as it tries to alert us of the need to look after that person also known as ME!
That something can often be health issues; depression; anger; sadness and moodiness; and a variety of other stuff.
We all need to be aware of the importance of looking after ourselves holistically: creating a healthy approach to our Mind/Body/Spirit balance and general well-being! All three aspects need to be in sync with who we are, and what we're doing, and where we're headed.
Very important note: This doesn't mean that any of us should suddenly give up doing good things for others; quite the opposite actually! It simply means to aim for a healthy balance in doing things for self AND others in a manner which still serves the inner-self and our own needs; and not just the needs of others. (Free daily balance checklist at www.hopeserenity.ca).
So here's the challenge: What's holding you back from making those important decisions for YOU; and then acting on them? Maybe it's time that you cut those strings that bind you to a job that you hate; a relationship that doesn't serve you; a health issue which has been left unattended; your financial situation; .... Or whatever it is that's testing you right now.
C'mon .... you can do it!
Yell out if you need some help! (I'll see you ... or hear you!)
I am reminded by fellow coach Phil Evans of the following truth. The most common 'theme' that I introduce to new clients when working in the Life Coaching realm, is the critical importance of being true to oneself! It's just so darned easy to get into doing everything for everybody else, but sadly neglecting that important person in the mirror.
Yep, too darned easy to put everybody else first; and eventually something will kick our butts as it tries to alert us of the need to look after that person also known as ME!
That something can often be health issues; depression; anger; sadness and moodiness; and a variety of other stuff.
We all need to be aware of the importance of looking after ourselves holistically: creating a healthy approach to our Mind/Body/Spirit balance and general well-being! All three aspects need to be in sync with who we are, and what we're doing, and where we're headed.
Very important note: This doesn't mean that any of us should suddenly give up doing good things for others; quite the opposite actually! It simply means to aim for a healthy balance in doing things for self AND others in a manner which still serves the inner-self and our own needs; and not just the needs of others. (Free daily balance checklist at www.hopeserenity.ca).
So here's the challenge: What's holding you back from making those important decisions for YOU; and then acting on them? Maybe it's time that you cut those strings that bind you to a job that you hate; a relationship that doesn't serve you; a health issue which has been left unattended; your financial situation; .... Or whatever it is that's testing you right now.
C'mon .... you can do it!
Yell out if you need some help! (I'll see you ... or hear you!)
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